People are inherently stupid. I realize this, and have come to accept it for the most part. However, acknowledging this does not mean I will stand by and stay silent while these morons continue to annoy me. The following are things people do to piss me off while I'm driving, in no particular order: Turning on a red light without stopping first. If the light is not green or yellow, you must stop first, dumbass. Next, failing to yield when there is a posted yield sign. This happens daily when I take the Multnomah off-ramp from I-5, heading toward Multnomah Village. People coming from Barbur to Multnomah need to yield to those people coming from I-5. Yield does not mean speed up and try to merge directly in front of me, or to drive side by side with me until there is no more room for two vehicles in the lane, forcing someone to slow down or speed up. Next, going under the speed limit when it is unnecessary to do so will not be tolerated, especially when signs are posted clearly for you to see. If it says 45, that does not mean 30, 35, or 40. It means, at least 45. However, if you are going 55+, you shouldn't bitch when you get pulled over. Next, driving extremely fast until you get within 5 feet of the vehicle in front of you is stupid. If you can see the line of cars in front of you is obviously going slower than you are, what is the point of speeding all the way up to the back of their car, and then hitting the brakes to go the same speed as all of them? Why is it so important that no gap is between you. Why can't you maintain the same speed, but stay back a reasonable distance? Next, why were you going 10 under the speed limit until you reached the freeway or a passing lane? Stop being a jackass, and let people pass you. We all know you're going to slow back down again as soon as it drops to one lane. This makes no fucking sense. The only explanation is that you're an asshole and/or an idiot. Next, please learn what right of way means. It is not a difficult concept to understand. If you stop before me, do not sit there and wait for me to go. Also, do not wave me on, because I will not go. You stopped first, you go first. Stop screwing up the flow of traffic because you think you're being nice. Everyone just assumes you're a moron, which is fitting, because you are. Next, stop driving 60+ in a 30 mph residential area. You never know when a kid or animal could dart into the street, and even if they don't, you just look like an asshole and should have your license revoked. Next, it is usually legal to turn on a red light, so GO!!!! Next, if someone is turning left and there is a big area to the right of them where you can easily go around them, then GO AROUND and stop holding up traffic. Holy shit, that is annoying. Next, stop backing into parking spots unless you can do so quickly. If you're going to do something that doesn't make sense in the first place, at least do it quickly and get the hell out of the way. I don't understand this need to back into parking spaces. You will have to backup regardless of whether you pull in or back in, so why not back out into a large area rather than trying to maneuver your way into a small parking spot? Next, stop blocking me off in the parking lot or parking garage because you see someone coming to their car and you want to park in that spot. Firstly, there is no guarantee they are leaving. In fact, many people will notice you and not leave just to spite you, because it is stupid to make traffic backup behind you just because you need that particular spot. Secondly, walking an extra 50 feet won't kill you. Lastly, your lack of respect and common decency will come back to bite you in the ass someday. Is it really worth pissing off some inebriated lunatic who just wants to get around you? Next, if the sign says "No turn on red" then don't fucking turn on red, idiot. Next, stop trying to trick people into thinking you're not going to switch lanes, so that perhaps they'll open up a gap that you will inevitably dart into at the exact same time you turn on your signal. It defeats the purpose of the signal and is dangerous and stupid, much like yourself. Next, when pedestrians have the right of way, stop darting in front of them so you don't have to wait, shithead. Also, if there is a crosswalk where you are supposed to stop to let people cross, then do it. Pay attention to signs. There is a reason they're big, bright, and/or flashing. Next, when you're at a stoplight, stop inching forward slowly like you're about to drag race. When it turns green, hit the gas and go like everyone else. Until then, stay still. Next, if you can't parallel park without becoming flustered, go practice for awhile before attempting it in crowded areas. Also, stop pulling into the spot nose first and then moving back and forth 50 times until you're close enough to the curb. Go learn to park, then come try it again.
Welp, that is all I can think of right now, although I'm sure there are many more than are not coming to mind right now. If you don't do any of these things, thank you. If you do, stop it immediately. Or else.
